The must-have conversations every couple should have before getting married
Build a strong foundation for your future and strengthen your relationship with these essential conversations and the ultimate relationship checklist
So, you said “Yes!” But before you say "I Do", let’s talk about the other important stuff, like marriage expectations, future plans and fights over who empties the dishwasher.
I know your Pinterest board is bursting, your wedding venue is booked and your celebrant is ready to make magic happen. But while you’re planning your big day, can we stop for a moment? Because in between your wedding venue visits and cake tastings lies something equally fabulous, equally exciting and yes, infinitely more important: planning your actual marriage, your future and keeping it strong with conversations before marriage.
That’s the reason you’re getting married in the first place! So, let’s talk pre-marriage preparation.
As a bubbly and professional marriage celebrant on the Sunshine Coast, I've seen it all, sunset vows, barefoot beach ceremonies and even a bride walking down the aisle to Metallica (different, unusual, but it worked for them!). But the real magic? That happens after your wedding and it’s called communication, commitment and solid marriage planning.
I’ve been with my darling husband since 1998 and I can say with absolute certainty that a strong marriage starts before your wedding day. I’m talking about doing the work to truly understand each other. To ask the big, brave, sometimes awkward questions with no judgement, just understanding. To laugh, cry, plan and maybe even respectfully disagree and love each other even more through it all.
Before the confetti flies, here are some tough topics to chat about and a list of pre-marriage questions to help you thrive together in your relationship. Let’s dive in!
Are you ready for relationship readiness and a real pre-wedding glow-up?
Photo Credit: Joshua Mikhaiel
Know what you’re saying “Yes” to ~ Legal and emotional responsibilities of marriage
Marriage in Australia comes with both legal and emotional responsibilities. Sure, as your Celebrant, I’ll handle the paperwork like a pro, but do you know what it really means to be legally married? It’s not just “joint Netflix and matching towels”. It’s also understanding your rights, responsibilities and the lovely little legalities that come with being someone’s spouse.
My hot Tip: Chat with your celebrant about the paperwork process and what happens behind the scenes, such as what happens to your will after your legally married?
What you can do: Talk about what being married means to each of you. Is it a symbol of forever? A public commitment? A spiritual act?
Ask each other:
What changes (if anything) after we’re married?
What does commitment look like to you in real life?
A great conversation starter: “How do you think marriage will change our day-to-day life, if at all?”
Marriage expectations: How to align your goals and dreams before marriage
It’s easy to assume your partner knows what you mean by “being supportive,” or what your idea of “quality time” is. Truth is, they might not, and that’s OK! Take the time to talk through your expectations, about love, your roles, family, holidays, toothpaste squeezing, you name it. Lay it all on the table!
What you can do: Chat about your own individual vision of what marriage looks like to you. See where you align and where the magic (or mischief) lies.
Share what support looks like to you, emotionally, practically and physically.
You may even want to create a relationship contract (just between the two of you!), a list of values, promises, and boundaries you both agree on.
A great conversation starter: “What do I need when I’m feeling low? How do I like to be supported?”
Photo Credit: Joshua Mikhaiel
The power of having those tricky conversations: How to discuss money, kids and boundaries
Let’s face it, some topics are as comfortable as a swimsuit full of sand. I’m talking money, kids, in-laws, boundaries, sex and even social media stalking habits. Try not to think of these topics as red flags, but relationship training grounds. They test your ability to listen, stay calm under pressure and truly see your partner, even when the subject matter isn’t glamorous. But trust me when I say these are the goldmines of connection. Talking about the hard stuff builds trust, clarity and resilience between you. The key is doing it before you’re both hangry.
My top Tip: Make it a date night topic! A bottle of red, a comfy couch and a “no judgement” policy go a long way.
Remember: You’re not trying to win—you're trying to understand. If things get heated, say: “Let’s pause. I want to hear you properly and I need a minute to reset.”
Tough Relationship Topics
Money and finances: What does financial security mean to you? Are we savers or spenders? How do we split expenses, plan for emergencies and manage debt or savings goals?
My hot tip: Schedule “money dates” to check in regularly (thanks Barefoot Investor) and be open about financial fears and habits.
Kids and parenting: Do we want children? When, how many and how would we raise them? What if we face challenges or change our minds?
My hot tip: This convo can evolve. Talk with curiosity, not pressure.
Mental health and emotional support: How do you handle stress or sadness? What helps you feel seen and supported? Are we open to counselling if needed?
My hot tip: Create weekly check-ins. Normalise therapy as self-care, not crisis control.
Boundaries: What’s your idea of healthy boundaries? How do we handle family dynamics, alone time and friendships?
My hot tip: “That’s a boundary, not a barrier”, boundaries build safety, not distance.
Sex and intimacy: What does intimacy mean to you? How do we keep connection alive, especially when things feel off or mismatched?
My hot tip: Schedule intimacy chats. Explore, laugh and grow together.
Tech and social media: What’s our online sharing style? Any boundaries around screen time or digital trust?
My hot tip: Try a tech-free hour. Agree on respectful posting habits.
Values and dreams: What do we value most? Where are we heading as a team?
My hot tip: Create a shared Pinterest or vision board and revisit yearly, not just on anniversaries.
At the end of this blog post, there’s a detailed list of questions for each of these topics to get you really talking.
Photo Credit: Joshua Mikhaiel
Master the art of communication: Why listening and responding effectively matter in marriage
Communication isn’t just about words, it’s how you listen, how you respond and how you keep the conversation safe and open when emotions run high. The way you talk during the small moments, while writing grocery lists, chatting about daily recaps, bad TV commentary, is just as telling as how you handle conflict.
My hot tip: Practice active listening. Put the phone down. Make eye contact. Say “tell me more.” And when in doubt, breathe.
What You Can Do:
Learn your communication styles: Do you shut down? Talk over? Avoid? Snap? Get curious about it.
Practice active listening: That means no interrupting, no fixing and no phones.
Use “I” language: Say “I feel unheard when…” instead of “You never listen!”
Check in regularly with open-ended questions like:
“What’s been on your mind lately?”
“How can I support you better this week?”
Planning for the future: Building a life together with shared goals and dreams
What does your next year look like? The next five years? Ten years? Don’t panic, I’m not asking you to schedule every breakfast till 2040! But I am encouraging you to dream together. Where do you want to live? How do you handle money? What are your career hopes? Will your future Sundays be full of kids' sport or quiet coffee by the beach?
My hot tip: Make a "Dream Map" together. Yep, it’s goal-setting but make it fun and romantic.
What You Can Do:
Set up a Dream Date Night: grab snacks, a notepad and chat about:
Where do we want to live?
Career and life goals?
Big travel dreams?
Kids, pets or both?
Create a “shared calendar” for long-term planning and include things like:
Financial goals and budgeting
Fun goals (holidays, renovations, music festivals)
Health goals (fitness, mental wellness, couple time)
Photo Credit: Joshua Mikhaiel
Being your partner’s favourite teammate: The key to a strong marriage
At the end of the day, a great partner doesn’t tick every box, they hold space for your growth, they’re kind when it’s hard and they laugh with you (not at you) when you forget the groceries again. They choose you every day, wonderful quirks and all!
The best partnerships are built on:
Trust that’s earned and nurtured
Intimacy that goes deeper than the physical
Autonomy and connection
Supportive cheerleading (pom-poms optional)
And the kind of joy that can make even IKEA trips and flat pack assembly fun
What You Can Do:
Celebrate each other’s wins, especially the little ones. Finished a tough day? Nailed a tricky email? That’s cheer-worthy!
Use the “3-1” rule: For every complaint or criticism, balance it with 3 positives.
Respect each other’s individuality. You don’t have to do everything together, but you do need to stay emotionally connected.
Create traditions: Sunday pancakes, evening check-ins, “just because” notes in lunchboxes, small actions, big impact.
My hot tip: Write each other a letter describing why you chose one another. Re-read them on your tough days.
Seeking support: When and why to ask for help in your relationship
There’s no shame in seeking support. When in doubt, ask for help. Great couples aren’t built on perfection, they’re built on effort, awareness and knowing when to reach for a little help. Whether it’s a relationship coach, a counsellor or simply a chat with your bestie, don’t be afraid to call in reinforcements.
If you need extra guidance, there are amazing organisations like Relationships Australia, Family Relationships Online, and Kinway Anglicare are full of resources.
What You Can Do:
Don’t wait until things feel “bad” to talk to someone, relationship support is for every couple.
Try a premarital workshop, online course or couple’s retreat.
Reach out to a registered couples therapist or coach near you.
The best athletes have coaches. Your relationship deserves the same kind of love, attention and investment.
Photo Credit: Joshua Mikhaiel
So, are you ready to build a strong foundation for your future together?
Your Pre-Marriage Checklist for Relationship Success
To ensure your relationship success, dive deeper in this list of questions to ask each other before you marry. These questions are designed to help you explore the important (and sometimes overlooked) topics before saying “I do.” It’s conversational, insightful and celebrant-approved! Remember, this isn’t a test of your relationship, it’s a conversation starter. So, grab a cuppa or pour a wine, or go for a long drive together. These questions are meant to spark connection, curiosity and clarity about your future as a solid team.
Lifestyle and daily routines
What does a typical day look like for you? How do you like to spend your time?
Do you need alone time to recharge, or do you prefer togetherness?
What’s your ideal weekend—relaxed at home or social and busy?
How important is routine to you? Spontaneity?
Money and finances
Are we combining finances, keeping things separate, or doing a bit of both?
What are your financial goals in the next 1, 5, and 10 years?
Do you have any debts, savings, or financial commitments I should know about?
What’s your spending style—are you a saver or a spender?
How will we make joint decisions about big purchases?
Communication and conflict
How do you like to be comforted or supported during hard times?
What’s your communication style during conflict?
What triggers you or shuts you down in an argument?
How can I best bring up something that’s bothering me?
How do we apologise and reconnect after a disagreement?
Love, intimacy and affection
What makes you feel most loved (your love language)?
How important is physical affection, sex, and closeness to you?
Are there any boundaries or preferences I should know about?
How do you like to stay emotionally connected day-to-day?
Family, children and parenting
Do you want children? If so, how many and when?
What kind of parent do you imagine yourself being?
What values or traditions do you want to pass on?
How involved do we expect our families to be?
How do we support each other if fertility challenges arise?
Household and responsibilities
How will we divide everyday tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping?
Do we have the same standards for tidiness and home life?
What happens when one of us is under more pressure or stress?
Life goals, dreams and growth
Where do you see us living in 5, 10, 20 years?
What are your personal goals—and how can I support them?
What would a fulfilling life look like for you?
How do we keep growing as individuals and as a couple?
Adventure and free time
How do you like to spend holidays or time off?
Are we more campers, five-star hotel people, or spontaneous road-trippers?
What activities or hobbies do you want to do together?
Mental health and coping
How do you typically cope with stress, sadness, or anxiety?
What’s your relationship with mental health—past and present?
How can we support each other during tough times?
Would you be open to seeking help (therapy, counselling) if needed?
Marriage, commitment and values
What does “marriage” mean to you?
What promises are most important for us to uphold?
What do you fear most about long-term commitment?
What keeps a relationship strong over decades?
And just for fun
What first made you fall in love with me?
When do you feel most “us”?
If our life was a movie, what would the title be?
What’s something you’ve always wanted us to try?
My hot tip: You don’t need to answer all of these questions in one sitting! Choose 5–10 questions for each “date night” or weekend stroll. Keep the tone light, honest and open-hearted.
My last hot tip: Remember, marriage isn’t about finding perfection, it’s about choosing each other, again and again, with your eyes open and your hearts full. Your marriage is a beautiful commitment, but it’s not about being the perfect partner, it’s about choosing to grow, support and love each other through all of life’s messy, magical chapters.
So, before you walk down that aisle, do the work. Take the time, have the conversations, ask the questions, build your friendship, laugh at the awkward bits and hold space for the hard stuff. And above all? Never stop being curious about each other, and choose each other, every day, wonderful quirks and all. You’re not just planning a wedding, you’re building a life together, and it’s going to be beautiful.
With love, bubbles and good-hearted honesty,
Stacey x
Your Sunshine Coast Marriage Celebrant | Relationship Enthusiast | Professional Love-Nerd